An old man goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for the strongest dose of Viagra, explaining that he has two extremely insatiable young girls spending the weekend with him.
He happily toddles off with his prescription.
Later that week though, he returns to the doctor asking for painkillers.
The doctor asks `Why, are you in pain after all that sex?'
`No', says the geriatric lover-man, `it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!'
пятница, 11 декабря 2009 г.
Free Gift!!
Santa went to a shop to buy a shampoo!
He asked to shopkeeper: Where is the free gift?
Shopkeeper replied: There is no free gift with this shampoo. You would be having a misunderstanding!
Santa: Are you making me fool? Here it is written Dandruff free!
He asked to shopkeeper: Where is the free gift?
Shopkeeper replied: There is no free gift with this shampoo. You would be having a misunderstanding!
Santa: Are you making me fool? Here it is written Dandruff free!
The blond cop
A blond woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car, and was pulled over by a female police officer who was also a blonde.
The blond cop asked to see the blond driver's license.
The driver dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blond officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
The blond cop asked to see the blond driver's license.
The driver dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blond officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Now bite me!!
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes whole night. He got irritated........drank poison and said, Now bite me you all fools......You all will die!
The Headache Cure
Bert was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his job and personal life started to suffer because of it, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches," said the doctor. "The bad news is it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one heck of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove your testicles."
Bert was shocked and depressed. But since the headache made it impossible for him to concentrate long enough to answer, he decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, his mind was clear and free from pain. He felt like a different person. He realized he could make a new beginning in life.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit!" He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long." Bert laughed, "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job," replied the salesman.
Bert tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Bert admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Bert thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...34 sleeve, 16 1/2 neck." Bert was surprised. "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job."
Bert tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. As Bert adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Bert was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bert's feet and said, "Let's see...9 1/2 wide." Bert was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job."
Bert tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Bert walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?" Without hesitating Bert replied, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bert's head and said, "Let's see...7 5/8." Bert was incredulous. "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job."
The hat fit perfectly. Bert was feeling great. Then the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Bert thought for a moment, but then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bert's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36."
Bert laughed. "No, you finally got one wrong. I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head and said, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one heck of a headache."
After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches," said the doctor. "The bad news is it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one heck of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove your testicles."
Bert was shocked and depressed. But since the headache made it impossible for him to concentrate long enough to answer, he decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, his mind was clear and free from pain. He felt like a different person. He realized he could make a new beginning in life.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit!" He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long." Bert laughed, "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job," replied the salesman.
Bert tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Bert admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Bert thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...34 sleeve, 16 1/2 neck." Bert was surprised. "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job."
Bert tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. As Bert adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Bert was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bert's feet and said, "Let's see...9 1/2 wide." Bert was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job."
Bert tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Bert walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?" Without hesitating Bert replied, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bert's head and said, "Let's see...7 5/8." Bert was incredulous. "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job."
The hat fit perfectly. Bert was feeling great. Then the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Bert thought for a moment, but then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bert's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36."
Bert laughed. "No, you finally got one wrong. I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head and said, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one heck of a headache."
четверг, 10 декабря 2009 г.
One Day At The Patent Office
A young man walks into the Patent Office with a couple of his latest inventions under his arms:
`I'd like to register my new invention - a folding bottle.'
`Very interesting,' says the clerk. `What do you call it?'
'A fottle,' replies the young inventor.
`That's a pretty silly name, can't you think of something else?' asks the clerk.
`I'll think about it. In the meantime, I've got something else here to show you: my invention for a folding carton.'
'
And what do you call that?' asks the clerk.
`Oh, this is what I call a farton,' replies our young inventor.
`That is much too rude, you can't possibly use that name,' says the clerk.
`Damn, I guess you're going to hate the name of my folding bucket then.'
`I'd like to register my new invention - a folding bottle.'
`Very interesting,' says the clerk. `What do you call it?'
'A fottle,' replies the young inventor.
`That's a pretty silly name, can't you think of something else?' asks the clerk.
`I'll think about it. In the meantime, I've got something else here to show you: my invention for a folding carton.'
'
And what do you call that?' asks the clerk.
`Oh, this is what I call a farton,' replies our young inventor.
`That is much too rude, you can't possibly use that name,' says the clerk.
`Damn, I guess you're going to hate the name of my folding bucket then.'
Goodbye Mum
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, 'I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son.'
He answered, 'That's okay.'
'I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mum' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.'
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, 'Goodbye, Mum.'
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day,
he went to pay for his groceries.
'That comes to $121..85,' said the clerk.
'How come so much ... I only bought 5 items..?'
The clerk replied, 'Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too.'
Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, 'I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son.'
He answered, 'That's okay.'
'I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mum' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.'
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, 'Goodbye, Mum.'
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day,
he went to pay for his groceries.
'That comes to $121..85,' said the clerk.
'How come so much ... I only bought 5 items..?'
The clerk replied, 'Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too.'
Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!
Chewing Gum blows Man's Head Off
A STUDENT blew his head off when he tried to make a Willy Wonka-style long-lasting chewing gum. The home-made sweet EXPLODED in his mouth. Experts believe an ingredient reacted with saliva when the 25-year-old chemistry student tried to blow a bubble. The lad's parents dashed into his room after hearing a "loud pop", police said. They found their son lying dead with his jaw blown away. Sources said the student at Kiev Polytechnic Institute in the Ukraine enjoyed experimenting with food and citric acid. And he wanted to invent a different kind of chewing gum - just like Willie Wonka did in the Roald Dahl books and film for Violet Beauregarde. Forensic experts travelled from Kiev to the victim's home in the northern city of Konotop yesterday to examine his gum. Local cops were too afraid to touch the stuff in case it exploded and blew them up too. One policeman said: "A loud pop was heard from the student's room. When his relatives entered, they saw the lower part of his face blown away. They were absolutely horrified."
What God Really Expects From Us !!
What God Expects From Us ?
Religion and Customs are not considered as Bad, but lets see to that, it doesnt take a toll on True purpose of our very existence in this Mother EARTH :) Helping hands are always better than Praying lips.
Going to church every Sunday ............. ..
Going to Mosque every Friday ...............
Going to Temple every Saturday .........
Going to Mosque every Friday ...............
Going to Temple every Saturday .........
"Helping Hands are better than Praying Lips"
Religion and Customs are not considered as Bad, but lets see to that, it doesnt take a toll on True purpose of our very existence in this Mother EARTH :) Helping hands are always better than Praying lips.
Couple's Funny Messages
Dear wife,
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you
are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I
sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you
receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching
assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
Your Husband
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed
letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband,
You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this
letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy.
Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more
times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore don't wait up.
Your Wife
are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I
sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you
receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching
assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
Your Husband
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed
letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband,
You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this
letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy.
Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more
times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore don't wait up.
Your Wife
The Best Gifts Ever That Money Can't Buy!
The Best Gifts Ever That Money Can't Buy!
To yourself: The gifts of daily self-examination, self-discipline, self-respect, originality, a balanced diet, regular exercise, and regular mental and spiritual nourishment.
To your brothers and sisters: The gifts of love, help, understanding and emotional support.
To your spouse: The gifts of appreciation, support, affection, faithfulness, love, patience, understanding, and time.
To your children: The gifts of education, shelter, guidance, love, understanding, patience, sympathy, time, and good example.
To your parents: The gifts of thoughtfulness, love, appreciation, and thankful heart.
To your helpers: The gifts of kindness, appreciation, motivation, and reward.
To your friends: The gifts of encouragement, communication, help, and your presence in times of storms..
To strangers: The gifts of a smile, open-mindedness, kind words, and deeds.
To your colleagues: The gifts of sense of humor, open-mindedness, tactfulness, encouragement, sincerity, cooperation, and support.
To your boss: The gifts of humbleness, humility, loyalty, honesty, respect, quality service and creativeness.
To the broken-hearted: The gifts of undivided attention, emotional support and encouragement.
To the lowly ones: The gifts of helping hands and loving heart.
To your enemies: The gifts of forgiveness, humility, reconciliation, service, and a smile.
To the prisoners: The gifts of clothes, foods, medicines, and evangelization.
To your country: The gifts of loyalty, support, compliance to the laws of the land, and submission to the authority.
To the Almighty God: The gifts of daily communication, appreciation, diligent application on His wise counsels and finally, the gifts of sharing His words to all nations of the world.
Apply and give these gifts to yourself and to somebody else, so you can make this world a little better and peaceful place to live.
To yourself: The gifts of daily self-examination, self-discipline, self-respect, originality, a balanced diet, regular exercise, and regular mental and spiritual nourishment.
To your brothers and sisters: The gifts of love, help, understanding and emotional support.
To your spouse: The gifts of appreciation, support, affection, faithfulness, love, patience, understanding, and time.
To your children: The gifts of education, shelter, guidance, love, understanding, patience, sympathy, time, and good example.
To your parents: The gifts of thoughtfulness, love, appreciation, and thankful heart.
To your helpers: The gifts of kindness, appreciation, motivation, and reward.
To your friends: The gifts of encouragement, communication, help, and your presence in times of storms..
To strangers: The gifts of a smile, open-mindedness, kind words, and deeds.
To your colleagues: The gifts of sense of humor, open-mindedness, tactfulness, encouragement, sincerity, cooperation, and support.
To your boss: The gifts of humbleness, humility, loyalty, honesty, respect, quality service and creativeness.
To the broken-hearted: The gifts of undivided attention, emotional support and encouragement.
To the lowly ones: The gifts of helping hands and loving heart.
To your enemies: The gifts of forgiveness, humility, reconciliation, service, and a smile.
To the prisoners: The gifts of clothes, foods, medicines, and evangelization.
To your country: The gifts of loyalty, support, compliance to the laws of the land, and submission to the authority.
To the Almighty God: The gifts of daily communication, appreciation, diligent application on His wise counsels and finally, the gifts of sharing His words to all nations of the world.
Apply and give these gifts to yourself and to somebody else, so you can make this world a little better and peaceful place to live.
среда, 9 декабря 2009 г.
New Year Orkut Scraps | New Year Greetings
<img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab325/techcottage/New%20Year/1.jpg" /><a href="http://www.techcottage.blogspot.com"><br><b>Send Picture Scraps - Fun Arena</b></a>
<img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab325/techcottage/New%20Year/2.jpg" /><a href="http://www.techcottage.blogspot.com"><br><b>Send Picture Scraps - Fun Arena</b></a>
<img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab325/techcottage/New%20Year/3.jpg" /><a href="http://www.techcottage.blogspot.com"><br><b>Send Picture Scraps - Fun Arena</b></a>
<img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab325/techcottage/New%20Year/4.jpg" /><a href="http://www.techcottage.blogspot.com"><br><b>Send Picture Scraps - Fun Arena</b></a>
<img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab325/techcottage/New%20Year/5.jpg" /><a href="http://www.techcottage.blogspot.com"><br><b>Send Picture Scraps - Fun Arena</b></a>
<img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab325/techcottage/New%20Year/6.jpg" /><a href="http://www.techcottage.blogspot.com"><br><b>Send Picture Scraps - Fun Arena</b></a>
<img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab325/techcottage/New%20Year/7.jpg" /><a href="http://www.techcottage.blogspot.com"><br><b>Send Picture Scraps - Fun Arena</b></a>
<img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab325/techcottage/New%20Year/8.jpg" /><a href="http://www.techcottage.blogspot.com"><br><b>Send Picture Scraps - Fun Arena</b></a>
From the top of Burj Dubai
This is taken from world's tallest building "Burj Dubai" @ 2,620 ft / 801m!!!
What do you think ??
Really amazing
Look at the edge (uppermost right corner) of the picture, you can almost see the "turn" of the earth.We cannot feel the turn of earth…….But the persons who are working on the upper most Girders can see the "ROTATION OF EARTH"
What do you think ??
Really amazing
Look at the edge (uppermost right corner) of the picture, you can almost see the "turn" of the earth.We cannot feel the turn of earth…….But the persons who are working on the upper most Girders can see the "ROTATION OF EARTH"
So terrifying…..
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